Thankfully, today we did not go to the first day back at school. I woke, and as usual took Nuptse out before 7am. The scenery this morning was amazing because of the remnants of the overnight rain storm. Pink, brush-stroked clouds hung low to the East, and rich, dark, almost daunting clouds hung thickly over the east-facing flank of the mountains. The air was damp, and smelled of moist dirt, wildflowers, and sodden vegetation. Once back, Nena greeted me at the door, her hair still mussed-up from a night of sleep. I took a shower and she took a bath, and we hung out while I made an iced coffee and gathered my lunch. She dressed in a new fashion top that she picked out yesterday, and wanted to go to Grandma’s house early, before her sister woke up. I commented that I was glad I didn’t have to fork over cash to the class, in addition to all the other school supplies, school clothes, and other “necessities” that I would have had Nena actually been going to school today. In thinking about that, I realized that the bargain spending we’d been up to all summer on new toys and clothes was still pretty meager in comparison. I gave hugs and kisses all around, and set off to the Farmers Market before going to work.
The traffic was horrid thanks to the many scattered road construction messes in town. I managed to avoid the school zone near my house and went on my way to the Farmers Market, which was burgeoning with fresh vegetables. After the market I sauntered into work, and got busy researching hazardous waste sites that resulted from the Manhattan Project. I went to Tae Kwon Do for lunch, ate a salad for lunch, and checked in with my beautiful daughters early this afternoon. They were playing cars and were about to head off on a walk with their Dad.
The relief and lack of stress of not worrying about another first day at school is profound. Last year I felt as though I was walking on eggshells for nearly two weeks, and Kindergarten was orders of magnitude worse--to say nothing about the first go at it! Last year Nena started the first day out okay, but in watching her play-out the day that evening, I could hear the sound of my heart breaking. She pretended to be her teacher while her sister was a student, and she described the discipline, punishment, and laws of the land. The sense of demoralization was overwhelming and I felt like pulling her out right then and there. But the previous year had gone so well, I reminded myself, no reason to jump the gun.
Day 2 and Nena did not want to go, but somehow she mustered up enough courage to give it a try. The weekend came, and I knew that Monday was going to be tough. But this time I’d done my research. I was prepared for her to say she didn’t want to go. And she didn’t. Fine, I said, stay home and play. So she did. On Day 3, and Day 4, and Day 5. On Day 6, I said, this is crazy, you do not need to go to where you are feeling so much pain. So I formally pulled her out. She went to first grade for 2 days.
For 6 weeks prior to the first day of first grade I saw a continual build-up of anxiety and fear. Panic attacks started happening, which I thought were extreme “tantrums” or “fits” and yet I hadn’t made the connection between the pending first day of school and this upswing of severe emotion. Finally, after school had started, and these panic attacks occurred multiple times throughout the day, I realized that these could not be simple extreme tantrums. These were so much more than that. The doctor confirmed my concerns, and that only made my decision to remove her from school so much easier. Ironically, all the psychological banter surrounding separation anxiety involves working towards getting a child back in school. Everything I read about it made my stomach turn, yet deep down provoked a fear that I might be doing the wrong thing.
But as the weeks went by, the panic began to subside. The bright, sparkley-eyed girl started shining through.
As the first day back to school came nearer, I asked if Nena wanted to give it another go, and she said no, although when all the catalogs with the shiny and colorful new backpacks arrived, she gave it some further thought, but then said no again.
We went and checked out the class lists out of curiosity, and wondered why her nemesis wasn’t on any of them...had she moved and changed districts? We’d seen her a few days prior, so we knew she was still in town. Had the school messed up and forgotten to put her name down? Nena worried about this as this girl was a major factor in her discomfort with school. Try not to worry, I said, it’s really unimportant to our own situation.
No eggshells today. Just another normal day. For that, we are all glad.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
Random Thoughts and Other Rantings
Happy Birthday Mom!! It's my Mother's 66th Birthday today, and we all hope it's a beautiful day!
Family is one of the epitomal aspects of being human. Family relationships often become all-encompassing--whether for better or worse. Our children rely on us, their parents, for nearly everything--love, guidance, food, clothing, fun, toys, hope, explanations, encouragement, answers, clean laundry, excitement, new crayons, blank paper, ice water...the list goes on and on.
But as parents, how often do we meet our childrens' requests with a happy and joyful heart?
How often do we react out of exhaustion, or with a cranky and "not again" attitude?
As a working Mother, who works because I'm the breadwinner of the family, this is my biggest, current challenge--being able to meet the requests (as well as needs) of my kids with a heart that is open, full of joy, and unconditional love. I strive for this constantly. But it doesn't always come easy. Sometimes I am exhausted. A night of poor sleep combined with brain fatigue after a full day of work, and domestic obligations greeting me at the door can sometimes make for a grumpy mama. I struggle with this dilemma because I am particularly sensitive to desiring the absolute best for my kids. I want them to know what unconditional love, true respect, and be able to pursue their on interests in a safe, and encouraging environment.
For my Mother's birthday we went to my grandmother's house, which is nestled among the cottonwoods along the Pojoaque River. I was fortunate to grow up a few hundred yards away, as the Raven flies, and explored every inch of their wondrous property when I was kid. Horses, chickens, kitties, and aging cats and dogs abide there, along with my Aunt and Uncle. We don't get down there often enough, and as such, my kids are still cautious about exploring on their own, and request that I accompany them to visit the variety of animals. And that I walk them to the bathroom, and help them fix their plates, and get their ice water, and...
As we were leaving, my Grandmother said she hoped I got a break every now and then, and that caused me to ponder time and family and what it truly is that I hope for and actually do when it comes to my own (family and time).
It seems to me that when my Grandmother was raising her children, time must have traveled a little bit slower. Life, lately, has seemed frantic. Rushed, frantic, hurried, overwhelming. Not just for me, but for many people that I speak with. Everyone seems to have schedules that are jam-packed and catalogued into every compartment of the day...whether they are homeschoolers or not. So much of me wonders whether my hurried days are a result of working and parenting, but even the moms I know that don't work complain of the same thing. I so wish I did not have to work outside the home 32 hours a week, but I am so thankful that I can work part-time and support my family, and still have quality time with my kids.
And this, too, may someday change.
Family is one of the epitomal aspects of being human. Family relationships often become all-encompassing--whether for better or worse. Our children rely on us, their parents, for nearly everything--love, guidance, food, clothing, fun, toys, hope, explanations, encouragement, answers, clean laundry, excitement, new crayons, blank paper, ice water...the list goes on and on.
But as parents, how often do we meet our childrens' requests with a happy and joyful heart?
How often do we react out of exhaustion, or with a cranky and "not again" attitude?
As a working Mother, who works because I'm the breadwinner of the family, this is my biggest, current challenge--being able to meet the requests (as well as needs) of my kids with a heart that is open, full of joy, and unconditional love. I strive for this constantly. But it doesn't always come easy. Sometimes I am exhausted. A night of poor sleep combined with brain fatigue after a full day of work, and domestic obligations greeting me at the door can sometimes make for a grumpy mama. I struggle with this dilemma because I am particularly sensitive to desiring the absolute best for my kids. I want them to know what unconditional love, true respect, and be able to pursue their on interests in a safe, and encouraging environment.
For my Mother's birthday we went to my grandmother's house, which is nestled among the cottonwoods along the Pojoaque River. I was fortunate to grow up a few hundred yards away, as the Raven flies, and explored every inch of their wondrous property when I was kid. Horses, chickens, kitties, and aging cats and dogs abide there, along with my Aunt and Uncle. We don't get down there often enough, and as such, my kids are still cautious about exploring on their own, and request that I accompany them to visit the variety of animals. And that I walk them to the bathroom, and help them fix their plates, and get their ice water, and...
As we were leaving, my Grandmother said she hoped I got a break every now and then, and that caused me to ponder time and family and what it truly is that I hope for and actually do when it comes to my own (family and time).
It seems to me that when my Grandmother was raising her children, time must have traveled a little bit slower. Life, lately, has seemed frantic. Rushed, frantic, hurried, overwhelming. Not just for me, but for many people that I speak with. Everyone seems to have schedules that are jam-packed and catalogued into every compartment of the day...whether they are homeschoolers or not. So much of me wonders whether my hurried days are a result of working and parenting, but even the moms I know that don't work complain of the same thing. I so wish I did not have to work outside the home 32 hours a week, but I am so thankful that I can work part-time and support my family, and still have quality time with my kids.
And this, too, may someday change.
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Unschooling: Doughnuts and Peanut Sauce | Life Learning with Wendy Priesnitz
Unschooling: Doughnuts and Peanut Sauce | Life Learning with Wendy Priesnitz
Thanks Wendy for taking the time to do what I don't have the time to do at the moment.
Thanks Wendy for taking the time to do what I don't have the time to do at the moment.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Beautiful Kids
I'll admit, I'm one of those Mom's that thinks her kids are some of the most beautiful out there. I'm not usually one to brag, but while browsing through some photographs, I couldn't contain my enthusiasm for my kids. And I couldn't believe how much they've grown, yet still look the same.
Once upon a time, Nena was 3 and she didn't yet have a baby sister named Signe. She liked to wear fancy dresses and go swimming with Mama at the pool. One evening she danced for us on our back deck. She has always had beautiful, curly hair, but it was really, really blond when she was little.
Soon Nena poured her devotion upon her new sibling.
Signe was a very serious baby and rarely smiled. On those occasions that she did, we all oohhed, and ahhhed at her. From how she was as a baby, one would never guess she'd be the comedian she is now, who is constantly cracking jokes and is a profound giggle-monster.
Our American Bulldog, Boghee, loved the kids and tolerated all their love and hugs. His unfortunate love for socks and underpants, however, was not good for him in the long run.
In July 2006, we took a family picnic up in the Jemez. Monsoons left some awesome puddles for a 4-year old Nena to play in.
When I look at Signe as a baby, it's evident that she was who she is. My Mother-in-law, Jan said, they are are who they are from the second they're born. I think she's right.
She still looks just like that when she sleeps, and when she's smiling in the hot tub during a blizzard. Four weeks and 4 years...still the same Sig.
It's camping season already...and here's a picture of Nena looking camp comfy on one her many climbing trips--this one to the Enchanted Tower near Datil, NM.
And another looking happy to be at the water in the evening. Turquoise Lake in Leadville, CO.
Once upon a time, Nena was 3 and she didn't yet have a baby sister named Signe. She liked to wear fancy dresses and go swimming with Mama at the pool. One evening she danced for us on our back deck. She has always had beautiful, curly hair, but it was really, really blond when she was little.
Soon Nena poured her devotion upon her new sibling.
Signe was a very serious baby and rarely smiled. On those occasions that she did, we all oohhed, and ahhhed at her. From how she was as a baby, one would never guess she'd be the comedian she is now, who is constantly cracking jokes and is a profound giggle-monster.
Our American Bulldog, Boghee, loved the kids and tolerated all their love and hugs. His unfortunate love for socks and underpants, however, was not good for him in the long run.
In July 2006, we took a family picnic up in the Jemez. Monsoons left some awesome puddles for a 4-year old Nena to play in.
When I look at Signe as a baby, it's evident that she was who she is. My Mother-in-law, Jan said, they are are who they are from the second they're born. I think she's right.
She still looks just like that when she sleeps, and when she's smiling in the hot tub during a blizzard. Four weeks and 4 years...still the same Sig.
It's camping season already...and here's a picture of Nena looking camp comfy on one her many climbing trips--this one to the Enchanted Tower near Datil, NM.
And another looking happy to be at the water in the evening. Turquoise Lake in Leadville, CO.
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