Heard the term Helicopter Parents? I only recently heard the term from author/blogger Lenore Skenazy on her blog Free Range Kids, but apparently the phrase was coined in 1990 by Jim Fay and Foster Cline in their book Parenting with Love and Logic, which has a zingy title, but after a review of their website and the book, I concluded that book is not on my recommended list.
A helicopter parent is one who hovers closely around all their child -- never out of reach -- whether or not the child needs them or not. This parent will pay close attention to the child's experiences and problems with the purported reason of preventing negative experiences from occurring in their child's life.
This past Saturday I had the misfortune of witnessing a hovering helicopter father cause anxiety and irritation to his two sons during our morning Tae Kwon Do class. I'd observed this dad a few times in the past several months. When I was working with either of his sons he'd slither over and feign interest all the while casting stern-looking glances at me as I took the students through their forms. He'd make no eye contact with me at any other time during the 2-hour classes. The fact of the matter is that his kids seemed uninterested in Karate. They have noodle arms, can't keep still -- even for 1 second, look around at everyone when they should be looking straight ahead, continue talking even when others' have asked them to listen, refuse to try being strong or accurate, and in short probably hate Tae Kwon Do. In that respect, I feel sorry for them. I doubt they have a choice.
The father, however, really irked my ire this past weekend. We were working out in a small room with no seating. He hung in the doorway like rotten mistletoe and took notes. I figured he wasn't working on his Thanksgiving shopping list, which was confirmed during our first break when he came into the Do Chang and proceeded to ask his boys what they did wrong during Basics -- the opening part of the class. "I'm taking notes, this time," he said with smirk that made me want to take his head clean off. Both the boys grew alarmed almost immediately and the younger tried snatching the tablet from his dad's hands. I couldn't believe that this dad was taking notes on a style of martial arts that he didn't even do himself ( and can't possibly understand) in an effort to what....teach his boys what they were doing wrong? Did he even have any hopes of trying to help them improve? And how was he to do this? Extra workouts between homework and whatever other extra-curricular activity these kids do? A surefire way to cement their hatred for the style.
At each two minute break he came into the room, and proceeded to taunt his boys with this list of wrong and then would snark at them to keep quiet, not snatch it from his hands, and to hush up and get back to work. At one point he looked at me, and I realized that my chin was scraping the floor. I just couldn't believe the way he was interacting with his sons. He looked away quickly, and almost looked embarrassed. Of course, I was asked to work with the yellow belts again, and I ended up with his oldest son. I'm pretty sure the kid must be on some ADHD drug. He was entirely unable to stop moving and he seemed to hear what I said but could not incorporate it into his form. Despite the small quarters, the dad moved closer in an effort to watch more closely.
I refrained myself the entire class from taking the dad into the hall and stating in no uncertain terms that he should leave the instruction to the instructors and let us do our job rather than hovering around his boys and causing them more stress. But if he does it again next week, I'm going to.
